


The fear of falling apart

by Nudelsuppe



Category: ajin, 亜人 - 三浦追儺 & 桜井画門 | Ajin - Miura Tsuina & Sakurai Gamon
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, kai joined tosaki and the others in their fight against satou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 20:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4151718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nudelsuppe/pseuds/Nudelsuppe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai hadn’t expected a warm hug or a welcoming smile from his best friend but the cold shoulder he had received still hurt. </p>
<p>—</p>
<p>(Kei has a nightmare and Kai tries his best to comfort him.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The fear of falling apart

Finding his way into the kitchen with half closed eyes was easier said than done. A yawn escaped his mouth and his hand tried to rub the sleepiness away.

 

It had been a week since Kai joined Tosaki and the others in their fight against Satou. Kotobuki had stood up to his promise and had helped the human escape from jail upon his request. Finding his best friend hadn’t been the easiest task, but he had managed to get in contact with Tosaki and from there it had been just a matter of time.

 

Kai hadn’t expected a warm hug or a welcoming smile from his best friend but the cold shoulder he had received still hurt. Kei had avoided him since his arrival and they hadn’t spoken a single word. A cold feeling had spread through the blond’s body. Kai had thought that as long as he was by Kei’s side, he would be okay, but being ignored by his only friend hurt just like in those days. Did the black-haired boy feel ashamed of him being there? Did he hate the human for coming after him? Kai had wanted to back off, he never wanted to be a burden. But seeing his best friend on the news, being called a monster — it had been too much for him to handle.

 

Desperately trying to avoid one hindrance after another, Kai finally found his way to the kitchen and searched for the light switch. Upon finding it, the sudden brightness blinded him for a short period of time. The flower bouquet was still standing on the wooden table, brown chairs neatly placed around it. They had eaten a few hours ago but the dirty dishes were still sitting next to the sink. What should he have expected? There were mainly boys staying over, of course no one would do them voluntarily.

 

Walking over to the cupboard, Kai opened it and took a mug out. Filling it with water, the boy leaned against the counter and began drinking. His throat was dry and he couldn’t sleep anyway. There were too many thoughts haunting him in his sleep and he was better off staying awake as long as he could.

 

Being alone, however, seemed to welcome his concerns back.

 

Kai wondered if his father had noticed his absence. Probably not. He had never cared about his son and he had ignored Kai’s desperate cries for acknowledgement. Dyeing his hair hadn’t changed anything and the calls from the school regarding a fight on their school grounds hadn’t brought a single emotion on his father’s face. A sad smile lingered on Kai’s lips. He should probably thank his old man for not caring. Thanks to that, it had been easier for him to run away with Kei.

 

Placing the now empty mug on the sink, Kai stretched his sore muscles and turned the light off.

 

Hands lingering on the wall besides him, the blond began walking back to the room. Passing one room after another, Kai’s thought wandered to his best friend. Was Kei asleep? Was he reading? The blond yearned to talk to him again just like in the old days. Hunting bugs with Kei seemed so unreal now, his behaviour showed nothing like a former friendship. It pained him, knowing that Kei was fine without him. The ajin had found a new friend who was like him and understood his situation. It wasn’t like Kai disliked Kou, the opposite even, he just couldn’t shake off the jealous feeling whenever the brunet talked to his best friend. Their conversations came naturally and Kai knew that his friend enjoyed their bickering.

 

Kai found his hands clenched into fists, desperately trying to fight the dark thoughts. Kei was and would always be his friend, no matter what… But did the ajin still see him as a friend too? Or was Kai just another human for him to use?

  
  
A faint sound interrupted his train of thoughts and Kai looked up, searching for the source. Seconds passed and the boy was surrounded by a suffocating silence. The blond wondered if he had only imagined it but, as soon as he started walking again, the sound returned.

 

It was louder this time and Kai identified it as a whimper. Now curious, the blond followed it and ended up standing in front of a door. He knew exactly who was in the room hidden by the wooden entrance.

 

Kei.

 

The knowledge of the sound coming from his friend’s room stopped Kai in his tracks. His heart felt heavy and he couldn’t explain his sudden nervousness. _It couldn’t be._

Another whimper was heard and Kai recognized the voice — It was his best friend’s.

 

Trying to swallow the lump in his throat, the blond reached out for the door handle. Minutes seemed to pass before he found the courage to push it down.

 

The door opened slightly and revealed a room filled with darkness. As careful as he could, Kai created a little gap and entered.

  
  
It was hard to make out the interior space but the weak glow of the moon shone through the window and allowed the human to identify a few pieces of furniture.

 

Kei’s desk was overfilled with papers and Kai could only guess that these were strategies and plans the boy had thought of. Clothes were lying all over the floor, recklessly thrown away. Kai’s eyes however laid on the person tossing and turning on the bed.

 

Upon getting closer, Kai noticed that his best friend wasn’t awake. The ajin seemed to have a nightmare, he was covered in sweat and inaudible words were muttered.

 

Seeing Kei that vulnerable was something he had never experienced and it left a bitter feeling in his chest.

 

The ajin had always been the calm and collected one. Emotions were a weakness and he was good at hiding and controlling unnecessary feelings and thoughts. The boy who was laying in front of him however was nothing like his friend; weak, alone… and hurt.

 

“-op it.”

 

Head snapping up, Kai observed the ajin’s face closely, looking for any signs of him being awake. He knew that Kei would be angry upon finding him in his bedroom and watching the black-haired boy sleeping may have appeared creepy. The blond’s tense muscles relaxed slightly when Kei’s eyes remained closed.

 

_He’s still asleep. Thank god._

 

“Please... stop it. No more... It hurts.”

 

Kai had been right. Kei was talking in his sleep. But what was he speaking of? It sounded like he had experienced something painful but the human couldn’t think of anything what could cause someone like Kei nightmares. Though he hadn’t been with his friend in weeks. Who knew what the ajin had to endure while they were separated?

 

“Finger after finger…my arm…”

 

Hearing his pained voice was almost too much for Kai. Why wasn’t he strong enough? Why didn’t he follow Kei? His friend had experienced gruesome things, how could he dare being selfish and feeling jealous? But...

 

Kei had left him. The boy hadn’t wanted him there. Kotobuki told him over and over again that the ajin probably used him to escape. And as soon as he wasn’t necessary anymore, Kei had left him.

 

Kai was fine with it. It didn’t matter if the black-haired boy only used him for his advantage, the blond was happy to help. The ajin was his friend and Kai would do anything to make sure that he was safe. Even if Kei didn’t feel the same about him.

 

“Can’t betray... Kai might hate me...”

 

_What?_

 

Time seemed to stand still, the human looked at his friend in bewilderment. The moon’s glow burned into his skin, air refusing to fill his lungs. The Silence was mocking and spoken words pierced through him.

 

He didn’t know what had happened but Kai found himself sitting on the bed, desperately trying to shake his friend awake. The whimpering turned into silent screams until the other’s eyes finally opened.

 

Red met gold, eyes resembling a cornered and scared animal. Kai wanted to say something but the words were stuck in his throat as he was kicked backwards, hitting a wall. A hiss escaped his lips as the pain spread through his stomach, hands desperately clinging to his sides in hopes of soothing the stinging feeling.

 

Looking up, the blond could see his best friend standing in front of him, taken aback by the hateful eyes which seem to pierce through him. The human wanted to call out to him, asking what that was about but he found himself coughing and gasping for air.

 

Barely avoiding another kick directed to his head, Kai rolled aside and stood up again. Hands stretched out in front of him protectively, the human observed Kei, ready to react. Red eyes were still radiating hatred but, upon getting a better look, Kai could see that they weren’t focused. _Kei wasn’t fully awake._

 

“Hey, man. It’s okay. You’re not in danger. I won’t hurt you.”

 

The black-haired boy didn’t react.

 

“I’m your friend, remember? We used to be inseparable, hunting bugs and playing tricks on others. It’s me, Kai.”

 

Red eyes were looking at the human now and Kai tried not to shrink back upon seeing these weird circles in them. He knew that they were a sign for the black ghost.

 

“K...Kai.”, the black-haired boy’s voice whispered.

 

“I’m here, I won’t go anywhere.”

 

A relieved sigh escaped the blond’s lips when eyes finally began to focus. His best friend was blinking a few times, trying to process what happened. The human wanted to embrace the ajin but the other took a step back, almost as if he was afraid.

 

“Don’t.”

 

“Kei, please. I—”

 

“Out of my room, Kai.”

 

The cold and indifferent voice addressing him hurt more than the kick, and Kai found himself unable to move.

 

_Don’t push me away. Not again._

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kei. You—”

 

“Leave!”

 

Kai had never seen his friend so angry, especially not at him. It was a foreign experience, seeing the normally collected student so upset and he knew he couldn’t leave him.

 

“No.”

 

Step after step brought him closer to his only friend, who backed away. _Is he afraid of me?_ Shaking his head, Kai tried to chase the thought away. He ignored Kei’s hand, which tried to push him away. Looked anywhere but the pleading eyes, which desperately told him to go away.

 

The ajin’s body went still as soon as arms embraced him. No breath was dared to take. The situation reminded the human of a prey playing dead upon seeing a predator. It saddened him, but he forced himself to stay calm. Head burying in the black-haired boy’s neck, Kai inhaled the other’s scent, which reminded him of better and simpler times.

 

“I won’t go anywhere, Kei. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

 

Minutes passed but Kai didn’t mind the silence. His only concern was Kei, and he wanted to make sure that he was alright. He was happy, just staying like this, so the astonishment when shaking arms hugged him back was huge.

 

“Sorry.”, a voice whispered into his shoulder and Kai couldn’t hide his smile.

 

“Don’t be. It didn’t even hurt, you know? You’re still as weak as ever.” He tried to sound cheerful but deep down he knew that his friend didn’t apologize for the kick. Being left alone all over again had been painful, but Kai couldn’t start imagining what Kei had had to go through.

 

Drawing soothing circles on the other’s back, the human tried his best to comfort his best friend. He talked about trivial things and tried to chase the silence and the sadness away. He couldn’t see Kei’s face but he was sure that the boy smiled from time to time upon hearing his nonsense.

 

Just standing here, holding his important person close was by far enough for Kai. He had missed the black-haired boy and their silly conversations. It had been too long since they just enjoyed each other’s presence and the blond wanted to relive this moments, even if only for a short time.

 

The warmth made place for unbearing cold and Kai needed a moment to understand that Kei had let go. The boy gently pushed the human away, walking past him and into the direction of the bed. Without so much as looking at the blond, the ajin laid down on his bed and vanished under the blanket.

 

“We should sleep.”, said a muffled voice, and Kai felt his heart drop a bit at these words.

 

“Yea, you’re probably right.” Even though Kei couldn’t see it, the blond still scratched the back of his head and shifted his weight from side to side. He didn’t want to go but the boy had a point.

 

“So.. See you tomorrow.”

 

Turning around, Kai walked as slowly as he could. Leaving Kei was the worst thing he could think of and the door handle had never felt so cold before. Upon pushing it down, he stopped in his tracks.

 

“What did you say?”, his voice seemed to waver.

 

“I said that you can stay overnight. Knowing you, you would only wake everyone up while trying to find your way back to your room.”

 

It was the first time since forever but Kai’s grin was still as bright as ever. He jumped onto the bed and laughed upon hearing the quiet huff from his best friend. Laying down besides the boy, the blond tried to make it as comfortable for him as he could regarding the small size of the bed. The only problem still left was one Kai only knew too well.

 

“Don’t keep the blanket all for yourself, man. I’m freezing.”

 

Kei didn’t reply, instead he rolled himself even more into the blanket, making himself look like a huge burrito. Kai would have thought of him as cute if it weren’t for the freezing air. Shaking his head, the blond sat up, grabbed the blanket and pulled. The black-haired boy struggled but managed to stay wrapped.

 

“I never said anything about sharing a blanket.”, was the ajin’s simple statement. 

 

A huff escaped the blond and he stood up again. _You’re so on._

 

A yelp was heard as Kai sat down on top of Kei, burying the other under his weight.

 

“Get off me!”, Kei said as he tried to get away from the heavy human.

 

“Only if you share your blanket with me!”, Kai replied, continuing to sit on his best friend’s small body.

 

“No, get off! You’re heavy!”

 

Deciding that this wasn’t enough to change the other’s mind, Kai decided to lay down on top of Kei. He made himself comfortable by laying on his stomach, looking into red eyes curiously. The other had an eyebrow raised, silently asking what the blond planned. The human laid his head on his arms and observed his best friend.

 

“I’ve missed you.”, Kai whispered softly, watching red eyes growing wide. He knew it was dangerous territory he was about to enter, but he had to say it. There was no way he would let go of Kei again, not without telling him.

 

Averting his gaze, Kei looked anywhere but him. He rolled onto his side, making Kai falling down besides him. Before the blond could ask him if he had said something wrong, a blanket was thrown over his shoulder.

 

Smiling, Kai got closer and laid an arm around Kei’s waist, pulling him closer.

 

“Is that okay?”

 

He didn’t receive an answer, _of course not_ , but feeling Kei pressing back against him was enough of an approval.

 

He remembered Kotobuki asking him why he had gone so far for Kei but, seeing his best friend in his arms like this, Kai knew that he would sacrifice his one and only life for Kei.

**Author's Note:**

> I finally managed to write something for this fandom. I love ajin so much and may write more in the future.
> 
> my tumblr: [farbsturz](http://farbsturz.tumblr.com/)
> 
> beta'd by the amazing [hidebot](http://hidebot.tumblr.com/) please check her fics out!!


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